Family Life Education Parent Guide 2003-04 Parent Guide cont...

How to Talk to Your Children
about Matters Regarding Sexual Behavior

Your child’s school does not want to replace you as your child’s source of information regarding sexual behavior and the spread of HIV/AIDS. Formal training in your child’s school is intended to build on the attitudes, values, and beliefs that you have already instilled in your child. You, as the parent or guardian, must bear the responsibility for teaching your child sexually responsible behavior.

Many parents find it difficult to talk about topics related to sexuality with their children and discourage such discussion. When your child seeks information from you, be aware that your silence can communicate the message that the discussion of sexuality is shameful and unhealthy, whereas your willingness to answer all of his or her questions will establish your lines of communication for future discussions.

Children’s questions vary when it comes to sexual matters. Your child is influenced by what he or she sees on television, in magazines, on the Internet, and on billboards; what is heard in conversations with peers; and the verbal and nonverbal cues learned from you about your own attitudes toward love, relationships, sexual feelings, and self-esteem.

When your child asks you questions, you should:

• Be honest with your child about your own level of knowledge. If your child asks you a question that you cannot answer, it is okay to tell him or her that you do not know the answer but will find out.
• Answer your child’s questions in simple language that he or she can understand.
• Avoid giving body parts nicknames.
• Ask your child what he or she has heard or knows already about the question asked.
• Check to see that your child understands your answer with a statement such as “Does this answer the question you had?”

Your child may ask you questions about your own sexual behavior. Personal questions can present you with a real challenge. You have to decide how much information you want to share with your child. You will not be a “bad” parent if you decide not to respond. You can tell your child that some things are private or you can choose to respond to a question such as “When was the first time you…?” in general terms about how people make decisions regarding sexual behavior. How much you share with your child will depend on your child’s maturity, your own feelings, and the type of relationship you have established with your child.

It is to your advantage to be an approachable parent. You need to make yourself available and willing to answer your child’s questions. You need to answer without anger or intolerance. Once you give your child the feeling that you do not want to discuss sexual matters, he or she will seek the answers someplace else. Often that “someplace else” is an uninformed peer or older adolescent. By being approachable, you can provide your child with the tools to become a sexually responsible adult.

Here are some important things for you to consider as your child’s educator regarding sexual matters.

• You are the primary sex educator for your children. It is your right as well as your responsibility to communicate your family’s specific values about sexuality. You should tell your child your beliefs and what you want for him or her.
• Although it is best to start talking with your child when he or she is young, it is never too late to start discussion. Also, keep in mind that one conversation will not accomplish the task of teaching your child about sexually responsible behavior and your family values.
• Be clear about your own values and beliefs, and be prepared to express them to your children.
• Don’t wait for your child to ask questions about sexuality. Take advantage of situations when you are alone with your child, such as in the car, to start conversations.
• You do not have to be an expert or feel comfortable with the topic of sexuality to educate your child about sexually responsible behavior.
• Keep a variety of pamphlets, books, etc, around the house for your child to read that you have read first. These are available through your minister, the public health department, your doctor, primary health clinics, etc. Also there are numerous family sites on the Internet that offer information for teens and advice for parents.
• Finally, do not feel that you have wasted your time because your child demonstrates a lack of interest or response during the conversation. Children often absorb more information than you realize.

Facts Every Parent Should Know Regarding HIV/AIDS

Adapted from the following resources:
When the Subject is Sex - Attitudes and Answers for Young Children - Pamela Wilson Some Advice on Raising Sexually Responsible Children - Betsy Matthews Wright